There are too many variables. My perpetrator was not one of my parents, but I they were to blame for the environment that allowed the psychological and sexual abuse in my childhood to take place, and I was not protected, nor do I ever remember feeling loved or valued.
I’ve had varying degrees of contact with them over the years, and had more difficulty with my father. I’d make peace and re-open door, only to have him behave in a way that was hurtful or showed complete disregard for us. I finally cut ties when he moved to Florida ~2004. When I got a call in Feb. 2010 stating that he had died, I felt nothing. I still feel no grief, only pity because I know he had the burden of his own horrendous childhood and life to bear. But I already had complete closure on that relationship and so I have no regrets.
My mother is a different issue—she’s still quite healthy, but in her 70s; and I am the closest relative to her, so I am her power of attorney and such. I like her as a person, but I don’t love her like a mother. Intellectually, I don’t mind doing it, since I am nearest and have medical knowledge. But emotionally, I know that I can not be a good “caretaker” to her. So I’m just riding it out, and will deal with situations as they arise with her, and process whatever emotions as they surface.