Hindsight is 20/20, right?
If I had known what I know now, I would have had a baby as soon as I got married and not wait until it was too late to have one without an egg donor.
While there are many things I would have liked to go smoother, better, and be less painful most of them I had no control over as Mariah says. So it’s pointless to imagine how things could have been done differently because I had no control.
And I wonder, if I could, should I? I think we grow the most through painful experiences. It becomes our own special root and bone. It helps to make us who we are and I do feel like I experience life more deeply and empathize with people better because of the suffering I have been through.
I’m not sure if I totally buy into the whole tortured,starving artist myth but I do think that most pain can be put to a use to communicate something meaningful to others by creating art. Someday, if I have enough time to devote to it, I would like to try to do that through poetry or painting. But even if I don’t, I feel that all of the experiences I have had enriches me.
I don’t have a lot of regrets for decisions I made. Most of my regrets are that I should have taken more chances and not procrastinated as much. I wish I could have tossed my cares to the wind and live live to the fullest. Damn, all those damn cliches. But all in all I am happy. I always tried to do my best. I can be very hard on myself but it’s for a purpose. It’s like tough love,lol. Once in a while I let myself feel happy for how far I’ve come.