I listed a ‘toughest time’, but the toughest moment was realizing that I was to some degree responsible for subconsciously authoring, planning, and directing my ‘toughest time’ thanks to the programming of my parents, as well as, the conservative religious community which was all I knew growing up.
In truth, if one parses a toughest moment down, there are many people somewhat responsible, many people that made choices (whether purposely or unconsciouslessy) that led one to that moment. We like the responsibility (blame) to be on one person, as far from us as possible, but each of us has at least a small part of the responsibility.
With respect to women in general, in retrospect, that first wife should have been a “hit it and quit it” relationship.
The experience was like being strapped to a conestoga wagon and dragged across north America on a 7 year journey, I had to try and see my parent’s broken marriage through in my own life, sex was only acceptable by way of marriage, and divorce was not an option.