@SpatzieLover If I am to contact her, then I am to do it honestly, with the fullness of the matter. Would it be fair to do otherwise?
The fact of it is that she gave one blip of encouragement. I already thought she was cute, and in my awkwardness I just did nothing. Because what was I to do, have a conversation with a cute girl I don’t feel good enough for on why her encouragement was necessary? Trust me, I wasn’t ready to cope with that amount of vulnerability. Ironic that vulnerability is exactly what I was exposing.
But I thought it would be nice to simply thank her for the encouragement, and tell her I am leaving that dark epoch, and that it meant something, even though I didn’t feel like what she said fit, it let me see myself how other people saw me, not just how I saw myself. It showed me that my self-image was sending a very different impression to the rest of the world. It’s taken years, but it was an important domino she plucked.
It is strange to be grateful from afar. It is also strange to have to have that grattitude to someone you were attracted to. Then again maybe the weight of it is altered by my emotions, and the comment was an insignificant nudge in the right direction only meant for that very second.
It’s confounding.