I finished Sex at Dawn a few weeks ago and it was a pretty great read. The premise is that modern marriage isn’t really working for us because as a species, we aren’t genetically hardwired for monogamy. (The authors take an anthropological approach and look for evidence in hunter-gatherer tribes that exist today, our close primate relatives, and the human body. There’s a whole chapter on penis/testicle size.) Before agriculture, people were hunter-gatherers, so there was no point to owning land or having many possessions. The groups were small enough that you knew everyone, and everything was shared, including sex and raising children. After agriculture, people stored food and owned land, and the divisions between mine and yours became a lot more important. This led to monogamy, marriage, the nuclear family, and patriarchy- men wanted to know that their kids were their own, so they could pass on their hard-won property.

The authors make a few great points, like- if monogamy is a part of human nature, why do we need such strict consequences to keep people in line? Henry VIII started a whole new religion so he could get a divorce, and politicians cheat on their spouses even though it costs them their careers. Another thought is, how would women be different today if they hadn’t been oppressed for thousands of years? For ages, womens’ only access to resources and security was marriage, and they were penalized for sex outside of marriage. This set up a strong incentive for women to keep a lid on their sex drives. These factors and others created all the dysfunction we have in marriage today.

Even if you don’t agree, it’s some interesting food for thought, because the ideas are so different from our conventional knowledge. What do you think?