There was a time not too many years ago where the idea of being homeless felt very attractive to me. I was miserable and depressed and unhappy and thought maybe that would be a way I could die.
My wife wouldn’t let me go, though. And they call me crazy! I was miserable to her. Angry. Hateful. Unfaithful. All, I guess, as part of an attempt to become homeless without actually choosing it myself. I think that if she had kicked me out, I would have felt like I deserved it, but I couldn’t do it on my own.
Now I’m glad she didn’t kick me out. I’m very grateful. I still don’t really understand why she didn’t. Maybe it was for the kids. Maybe it was because she didn’t want to lose her husband. But I don’t think she could have truly wanted me—not the way I was treating her. Although perhaps she was able to forgive me that since I was sick.
I was kicked out of my parents house when I was 22 or so. There was no warning. We had a fight one evening and boom! Gone within the quarter hour. I got a friend to take me in that night, I think. The next day I took a dishwashing job. On the basis of that, my parents took me back and we made a plan so I would move out as soon as I got a few hundred dollars together. Then I moved to NYC and haven’t ever needed their roof again.
As a result of these experiences, I vowed I would never turn away a friend or a relative in need. I put up my brother when he needed a place. He didn’t even bother to ask our parents.
I can not imagine turning away my kids if they need us. I have put up crazy friends of mine when they were homeless even though my wife didn’t approve. I just cannot let someone I know be homeless. Although I don’t know if I would feel the same if they were doing drugs or stealing from me. I’d probably kick them out. Even a child, I guess, if they were behaving that way.
But if I were homeless now, and my parents offered me a place. Wow! I don’t know. I would hate living with them. I would hate being dependent on them. I know it would mess up my head. I think I’d almost rather be homeless for a little while. But I think I could find friends who would put me up, so it probably wouldn’t come to that.