What makes a woman a feminist? I think she has to identify herself as a feminist. What makes a man a feminist? Pretty much the same thing.
What makes people believe in the feminism of others? I’d say it has to do with how close they seem to fit their particular model of feminism.
For me, feminism is about fighting the differential treatment of women in the marketplace and in the culture simply because they are women, as opposed to because they prefer to be treated differently.
We love to talk about holding doors. It’s a trivial issue and yet very symbolic. Holding a door is a courtesy, no matter who does it: a man for a woman, a woman for a man, a younger person for an older person. Feminism means (to me) that we hold doors as a courtesy because the person might benefit from having the door held. Sexism means we hold the door because we automatically assume it will get us some advantage over the woman and put her into an inferior position.
It’s the attitude, you see. And who detects the attitude? We all do it individually and we may disagree on the impulse for the courtesy.
A sexist will hold the door for the woman, yet resent and avoid having the door held for him. A feminist or an equalist, will be equally comfortable holding the door and having the door held.
Feminists treat each other based on their personhood and their individual circumstances. Sexists don’t see individual circumstances. They only see perceived gender, and treat the person according to patterns of dominance.
It’s a subtle thing, sometimes. At other times, it’s as obvious as the ocean from the shore. @Charles, I get the sense from you that you have a chip on your shoulder. You seem to resent the notion of feminism even as you call yourself one. That suggests subliminal or even overt sexism. I hope I am wrong.