I am so reluctant to admit that THIS of all threads has gotten me to thinking about what really irks me about the repetitive question I have come to hate. It was something @wundayatta said above about perspective gained from years of living and how a more life-experienced person may ask the same question without generating the same sense of “something” in my gut. My issue comes from how a more life-experienced person might ANSWER the question and this is where I have gotten with my thinking:
1. The person asking the question is popular in school and comes here for more people to puff up his/her already raging ego and I don’t want to be a party to it. My feeling—annoyed.
2. The person asking the question is so unpopular in school and has no real friends to bounce his/her query against and comes to an anonymous place just to check in on something that doesn’t quite feel right based on that individual’s life experience. I don’t have enough words to cobble something together to keep that person from being seriously impacted by their desire for it to be true and the reality of the “joke” as it unfolds with our question-asker as the brunt of it. My feeling—incredibly sad and powerless.
There are any number of other combinations, but the specter of #2 above is where I get stuck. Person #1, I want to smack with words and Person #2, I want to hug with words and I can’t tell them apart. If Person #2 is hungry for anything that passes for affection, however temporary, I don’t want to burst the bubble and this conflicts with my intrinsic desire to warn. All of this is offset by my own desire for Person #2 to have found someone who really does like him/her. I don’t think it is likely, but I root for the underdog.
So, if you read that I have responded to such a question with encouragement for the question-asker to catch up on the After School Specials (@Rebbel—these are movies for young people that used to play on TV in the late afternoons), I am being sincere. Person #1 and Person #2’s issues are both very well addressed because these are themes that repeat across generations. Similarly, Lifetime Television for Women handles the same themes with adult sufferers (and usually end in murder for some reason) which gives me a clue that this is part of the universal struggle to like or be liked.
I lived my own years of teen-angst and didn’t have the internet as a resource. I am conflicted as to whether it is a viable resource (but I am happy to refer to TV, perhaps the same sort of resource for my generation, just as cautionary tales in books were to my parents).
In a world where things can go from zero to deadly with a poorly placed glance, it seems the next generation needs cautionary tales more than ever. So my great annoyance with the flippant question, “Do you think he likes me?” is because I have a life of experience to warn me that the answer is far more complex than the question or than the question-asker can even begin to imagine and someone is bound to get hurt . . .