I once worked with an older gentleman as a supervisor – and I use the term specifically to describe him, because he was a very refined, intelligent and thoughtful man, a pleasure to work with – and I think of him every time this question is asked. Unfortunately we were on the job from hell: we were already over budget and behind schedule, the equipment was breaking down and the strategy that had been planned to complete the project was not working out. There was no way that we were going to make money on this job; all we could hope to do was survive it and not lose too much. The customer was asking hard questions about our ability to complete the work on time, and things were still going downhill. On top of this, he had a cold, and he was really feeling miserable one day.
He was invited to a meeting with the customer and he brought me along to help explain our progress and plans. As we walked through the customer’s offices he was greeted by many people there: “Tom! Long time no see! How are you?”
To everyone he gave a big smile and the same general answer, “Marvelous! Doing great!” Before we got to the meeting room, in a private moment I asked him, “Why do you say that? I happen to know that today of all days you’re doing awful.”
I’ll never forget his answer: “Some of those people are really my friends, and if I told them how bad the job was going and how bad I feel today, it would distress them. I don’t want them to feel bad. The ones who aren’t my friends, I don’t want to give them the information to make them feel better.”