First, one must define “friend”—there is a difference between being a buddy or pal as opposed to a true friend. A real friend tells you the truth, even when it’s not what you want to hear. But most of the parents I’ve seen have tried to take the angle of being someone to hang out with, and don’t want to do the uncomfortable work being honest with themselves or their children.
When my son was 14, I wrote him a letter to tell him that I knew that he would be making his own decisions from that point on, since I did what I wanted to from about that age myself, and that I would no longer be trying to control him via disciplinary tactics, but rather, I would be there to guide him as someone who loves him unconditionally, and has been through much of what he would have to face. I also let him know that he would have to be the one to deal with the consequences of his decisions, and that I was doing this because I had faith in the parenting I had provided up to that point and that I saw that he had learned to be a fairly responsible kid and an independent thinker.
He is now 21. He’s made some poor decisions and some good ones. Through these past several years, we’ve become closer than ever. When he was 16 or 17, he said that I was his best friend, because he could tell me anything—that’s the relationship I wanted and am proud to have. I’m not gonna hang out and party with him, but we do spend time together and he still comes to me for advice, because he know I won’t be judgemental or belittle him. Although he has heard me say, “I know your mother raised you better than that!” on several occasions.