Social Question

bookish1's avatar

Do you have a character flaw that you find hard to tolerate in others?

Asked by bookish1 (13147points) June 25th, 2012
28 responses
“Great Question” (16points)

I have a saying stuck in my head and I can’t remember where it came from. (Possibly The Great Gatsby). Something like: “We find it hardest to forgive those traits in others which we dislike most in ourselves.” Do you agree with this? What is yours?

I am absolutely sure mine is flakiness. Haha. I am a work hard party hard sort of fellow. I’m not a space cadet or anything like that, but I feel bad that I often have to cancel plans at the last minute usually because of health problems. And flakiness in others just drives me nuts. And…. for some reason, I seem to attract all the flakiest people in the world to my circle of friends, haha.

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SYS's avatar


jordym84's avatar

I’m a very, very indecisive person, especially if there are others involved (i.e. making plans with friends on where to go for dinner, choosing a movie/TV channel to watch, etc) and yet I can’t stand indecisive people haha Probably because I irritate myself with my own indecisiveness…

bookish1's avatar

@SYS: Hah, nice one.

@jordym84: I understand that. I am somewhat the same way, but not about small things; about large things. It takes me forever to make an important decision. But the indecisiveness about even the smallest things is part of what drives me crazy about my friends I refer to as “flakey” :-p

jordym84's avatar

Lol I know I’m not flaky because I always, always keep my word and don’t make any plans with people unless I’m sure I can make it. But I do know quite a few flakes, and interestingly enough it doesn’t get on my nerves as much as one might expect. I just brush it off and forget about it for the most part unless it becomes a problem, which so far it hasn’t

bookish1's avatar

@jordym84 : Gotcha, I do understand there is a difference there. You just take longer to make a decision, but when you do, you stick with it! And I make small decisions quickly and then have to break them later :-/

augustlan's avatar

Procrastination. I am very bad about doing things in a timely manner. One of my daughters is the freaking Queen of Procrastination, though, and it drives me insane. Not because she’s delaying in doing something for me, it’s usually school work or applying to schools, and I practically have a heart attack on her behalf because she waits until the last possible moment.

stardust's avatar

Impatience. I wreck my own head with my lack of patience. I hate it in others.
Funnily enough, I’m also a walking, talking flake, but I tend to be less harsh on my fellow flakes.

Coloma's avatar

Yes and no. Yes, if you’re completely unconscious of your own shortcomings, no if you are relatively “enlightened” and can spot others behaviors simply in observation without any hidden projections.
Personally I abhor manipulative and passive aggressive behaviors, I am a direct and non-game playing type and sooo, this would not be a part of some repressed dark side of mine I am projecting on others. My dark side means I’ll tell you off, not spit in your coffee.. lol

Bill1939's avatar

It seems to me that people who are annoyed by another’s “character flaw” have the same flaw, but usually are oblivious to it. The thing that often pushes my button is people speaking without thinking. However, when my button is pushed my response is often more likely to be emotional than thoughtful.

marinelife's avatar

Yes, we do tend to dislike certain traits in others that we have ourselves.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I probably do.

picante's avatar

Vacillation. I tend to change my mind quite a bit upon further reflection. Seems to make sense in my own head, but it’s annoying to me when others do it – damn flip-floppers!

Sunny2's avatar

No question. If I find myself irritated with someone, I look at my own character to see what it is I’m reacting to. Overbearing attitudes and general disorganization are two of them. Tardiness also irritates me, but I’m the kind of person who, if I’m late, I’m on time. I fight to stay organized. I try hard not to be a know-it-all. Irritates the hell out of me.

whiteliondreams's avatar

I don’t like sarcasm. Unfortunately, I too, am sarcastic and I use it on a daily basis. Sarcasm is so demeaning even when you don’t intend it to be. It hurts people and molds children to be the same way. I hate it and I am working on eliminating it from my social diet. My partner is facetious and sarcastic followed with a hint of condescension. All these three things I despise the most, but work diligently on tolerating their use and misuse to harbor a finer patience over all things material and verbally irrelevant.

Paradox25's avatar

This is rather interesting, since I’m being asked to describe a trait in others that I dislike, but yet a trait that I have myself. I guess I have a tendency to be sarcastic, but I wasn’t always this way. It was something that I’ve learnt to develope to protect myself from others and try to beat them at their own games. I don’t enjoy being sarcastic though, not at all. I prefer to be humble. Procrastination would perhaps be my other trait that I have which I dislike in others. Outside of those two I can’t think of anything else.

OpryLeigh's avatar

Edit: I read the question wrong!

I can be stand-offish or aloof (so I ‘ve been told) and yet when others are like that I assume they are being arrogant.

I hate people that appear pathetic and yet, I know, there are a number of things that I am pathetic about (and I really hate that part of me). Ie: facing up to certain fears etc I am scared of my landlady (for no real reason other than she’s a bit cranky at times) so if there are ever any problems with my flat it will take me forever to muster up the courage to let her know which means I have to suffer with the problem.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I’m occasionally bothered by stubborn, opinionated, temperamental people, yet I, myself, am stubborn, opinionated and temperamental.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Yes I do. There are periods of time where I don’t communicate with people, I kind become a hermit inside my head. It’s rare but I know it’s uncomfortable for people who care about me, who might wonder what’s wrong. When it happens the other way around and one of my friends “goes off the grid”, I hate it even though I know what’s going on.

Blondesjon's avatar

Yes. I like to fart in public.

Patton's avatar

Well, I’m kind of a dick. Obviously, I’m way more okay with that then I am with other people being dicks. But I’m right damn it! What’s their excuse? ~

@Coloma I don’t think you read the question properly, but it’s a very appropriate answer if you did.

15acrabm's avatar

I can’t stand it when other people leave their stuff just lying around in a place that isn’t theirs. For example, if I’m sharing a hotel room with someone and they totally trash it, I get seriously pissed. This is kind of weird because at home, I too am a total slob. Seriously, my crap is everywhere. I guess the only difference is that at home, I’m only trashing up my personal space, while in a place like a hotel room or something, people are trashing a space that everyone is sharing and using.

Nimis's avatar

I have an endless list of character flaws. But, for the most part, don’t mind them in others.

The only one I can think of is being avoidant. Though that’s because I flip back and forth between being avoidant and confrontational.

Coloma's avatar

@Patton Yes, I read the Q. thoroughly.
It parrots classic psychology theory, that what we most dislike in others are the issues within ourselves that we deny and project outside of our own consciousness. Like the cheater that accuses their partner of cheating, when, in reality, it is they that are the guilty party. However, this is not true for those that have done any sort of personal growth work and have a grasp on this concept and are able to self examine their feelings in relation to a situation.

As I mentioned, this only holds true for those that are unconscious of their own flaws and in total denial of their own stuff.
I don’t have “character” flaws, I don’t lie, cheat, play games, manipulate, use passive aggressive behaviors or otherwise behave deceptively, and I don’t tolerate these behaviors in others. My worst flaws are that I tend to be a bit scattered at times, procrastinate and can talk too much when I am excited about something. lol

Welcome to fluther btw! :-)

Patton's avatar

@Coloma I think the least true thing anyone can ever say is “I don’t have character flaws.” I find a lot of the things you say on this site to be passive-aggressive, and you hide it behind a faux-hippie personality obsessed with self-deception in the form of personality tests that tell you what you want to hear. In an effort to convince us all that you are enlightened, you have occluded yourself—which is exactly why you won’t believe a word I’ve just written.

JLeslie's avatar

My trait I don’t like is not being able to let things go that I feel are unjust or upsetting, and annoying others with my obsession of said thing. This is something I get from my father, and it annoys me like crazy when he behaves that way. However, I identify with it, and understand it, so I would not say I can’t be forgiving about it, but I might seem intolerant on the surface.

talljasperman's avatar


OpryLeigh's avatar

@talljasperman I forgot to mention that in my answer but that is definitely one of my character flaws too!

snapdragon24's avatar

Ahh good question, I guess I’d say I have the flaw of being too talktative and have a hard time tolerating others who are too haha I know it strange :)

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