@Shippy I think that is a very interesting insight. When you let yourself be pursued, then you don’t have as much choice. You only get to choose from those who choose you first. However, if you take initiative, you can go after people who might not ever feel empowered to go after you.
When I was younger, I was uncomfortable with this role that I was supposed to have since I’m male. I was too sensitive and I took rejection too much to heart. If one person said no to me, I figured they must reflect everyone and that meant no one would like me. Even when I knew this was wrong, it was still too hard to reach out again and again and to suffer those no’s. Part of it was that I believed women all talked to each other, and once I was rejected by one, they would tell all their friends, who would tell all their friends, and in a day, I’d be known as a loser.
Getting bipolar disorder increased some of my sensitivity, though. There was a period of time when I was so sensitive, that I could tell when a woman was coming onto me in the subtlest of ways. For some reason, probably my level of need, I believed my understanding of these come-ons, and I would respond to them (which is how I knew I was right about what they were saying). Unfortunately, I don’t think I am that sensitive any more.