What an incredibly difficult time for you, susanc. My heart goes out to you.
Loss of a spouse is so life-altering. Take all the “shoulds” out of your life that you can. The activities you describe sound like great therapy. Take as much time and space as you need. Wacky goes with the territory. Whatever your feelings are, they are real and justified.
When my sister died (before reaching 50) three years ago, I was stunned at how invasive the grief was. I had trouble working, trouble interacting with people.The whole process was like a spiral. As I moved through time, I would hit an aspect of the grief and deal with it as well as I could. Later that same aspect might resurface and have to be dealt with again from the place I was in at that time. I hope this makes sense to someone else. After rereading it, I am not sure I can express it very well. I call the first year my lost year.
Please take care of yourself. Your Rick would have wanted that.