I wanted to be a father for so many reasons that I can’t even remember them now. I thought I would be a good father. I didn’t like most parenting I saw going on around me and thought I would do better. I think the greatest expression of love is to create new life. It is about hope and love. I wanted to do a better job than my own parents had done. I wanted to have a chance to pass on the things I have learned in life. I wanted to pass on my genes because I think they’re pretty cool (having produced me, who I like even if not a lot of other people do).
I thought my children would probably appreciate me. Maybe they’d get me. Although even if they didn’t, it doesn’t matter. They do, of course. And they are kind of crazy, like me.
It was all put into perspective when I found I couldn’t have children naturally. Then we went on a six year fight to have children, and were ultimately successful. Those kids know what we went through to have them. I hope they feel how much they were wanted, and how much we still love them and want the best for them.
I couldn’t be prouder of them. When they do what they love to do, it’s wonderful. The only problem is that they also have to do stuff they don’t want to do, and getting them to do that causes some significant friction from time to time. If only we could get through life doing only the things we love to do, instead of having to learn to do stuff that society deems necessary, but which may not be. Like reading. Writing. Playing boring music and doing exercises. Doing arithmetic (instead of theorizing). Etc. Etc.
My daughter buckles down. She’s the first born. My son really, really doesn’t want to do anything unless he loves it. Like I said. We have strife as a result. But he is so wonderful when doing what he loves to do.