@zenvelo I understand from several sources that there are nuances to the procedure of amending. I had not heard, “There is also a strong belief in recovery that when you do something for someone you do it without being found out.” Perhaps that’s not mainstream? Obviously it’s not something that you practiced, nor something that your friend practice when he came to you. It seems to me that the offer to make amends is the singularly most important thing for the victim to hear, provided they believe what they ask for could happen. I could be wrong.
But back to your point. So sometimes the beneficiary of the amend-making doesn’t know they’ve been benefited. You rekon that’s a majority of the time? I don’t. Certainly if __the offer__ to make amends comes with the apology, the beneficiary knows.
So there should be nearly as many stories to be told by the people to whom amends have been made as there are stories told by people who say they’ve made them. Certainly, 12-steps doesn’t impede the injured party from talking about it. I’d think it would be a boon to them, actually to be able to say, “Oh yeah, my ex- wrote me and said he was sorry.”
I don’t think it’s a fine point, but it seems like people are having trouble getting a hold of it, so I’ll repeat it. I am interested in the fact that so many have gone on to step 10, abd have related their stories of amend-making to so many others. Yet so few have stories to share of being amended to or seeing someone else amended to. It’s a discrepancy. I’m curious. That’s all.
I’m not saying 12-step programs haven’t provided great benefits to those who have gone through them. I see that many more people have benefitted from the change those people have undergone. So really, if you want to tell me how wonderful 12-step programs are, you can, but it has nothing to do with what I am seeking, and since I already believe in it, you can’t change my mind.