We sent them to a school that has a serious anti-bullying program. Teachers and parents are on the lookout for this kind of thing and deal with it quickly. It’s a small school, so everyone knows who is doing what, anyway.
My daughter was always a peacemaker, apparently. She was always doing things to make the group run smoothly. So much so, that towards the end of her career there, the teachers were telling us she should look out for herself more. So much so, that they didn’t care if she wanted to skip school to do so. It’s as if they were saying she was too good for her own good.
My son also had been at the center of a certain group of boys—not through active leadership, I don’t think, but more through presence. He does the things he is interested in and is very focused on them, and slowly, other boys seem to be attracted to him like accretion layers on a planet. He is a sweet boy. Gentle and loving. And he gets away with it, somehow. I mean the girls and the teachers love him, but even the boys like him. I guess it helps that he’s naturally physically capable.
As a result, bullying has not been a problem that I know of. The kids really love their school. They will probably feel more loyalty to their elementary and middle school than to high school or college throughout life.
We didn’t really train them in any of this. The school provided the training. I guess their temperaments have something to do with us. I don’t remember making a conscious effort to teach values. Values, perhaps, are something that you do more than talk about. I mean, it’s not bad to talk about them, but I think kids learn more from how they see you behave than from what you say.