I remember being told it wasn’t my fault, which helped, even thought I knew it was my fault. I also remember being told I shouldn’t make any major decisions for three months while I was depressed. Major decisions included divorcing my wife, quitting my job, and killing myself. Not necessarily in that order.
This was a very important thing for me to hear. I knew I was ready to make a disaster even worse, and I didn’t care if I did. in fact, I wanted it to be worse. I had a gutter all picked out and I wanted to die in that gutter. Imagine that! Even when I wanted to die, I still had to have the most elegant gutter I knew of. The most gutterish gutter. With granite curbs and cobblestones and right outside a fish store in one of the busiest cities on the planet.
I found that my wife didn’t know what to say. I could get angry with her over anything at all.
The only people who knew what to say were people who were also depressed, or had been depressed, and they just spoke the truth about what they experienced. They didn’t try to pretend or act for other people, the way most people do in society. They knew there was no energy for pretense when you’re depressed.