@JLeslie To be honest, I’ve always had this belief that a relationship that is kept a secret is not a relationship to be in, until this one.
I have several reasons but will share the two main ones. I’ll have been apart from my ex for 2 years this January, but my divorce papers were just signed this recent June. Because I was so quiet about the separation, many of my family and friends didn’t really know or process it until very recently. It’s been 2 years, so a new relationship is not “quick” to me, but for them, it’s omg-fast.
Too many people will feel like they have a place to say something, particularly my family. I really don’t want to deal with their advice or opinions, especially since their opinions will be formed quickly and will be myopic—they know nothing about our details. Some of them will probably get snarky and ridicule me because my boyfriend’s 13 years older. I know myself—I’m a people pleaser and tend to get defensive or overly explanatory. I also am very protective of the ones I love, so I will get ruffled and very upset, for sure, even if I’m prepared. I don’t have room in my life for those emotions.
Second, my boyfriend is very well known in the Deaf community—he’s been in 6 Deaf Olympics, was a world-record holder several times, 4 or 5 Pan-American Games and has over 40 medals from all his international games, lived in 7 states and worked with people on an international scale, etc, etc, etc. If someone doesn’t know him directly, they know his equally active brothers or parents. I definitely do not want to be boxed in as “W’s Girlfriend,” especially since I’m new to this state—I want my own identity and I’ve been having fun developing that lately.
Again, for the most part, I disagree with relationships being secrets, but this time around, for a while, I’ll leave us in the closet.