@burntbonez we never really went out. I liked him and told him so, he liked me to, but we were both to afraid or catious to start a relationship. Because he was more reluctant than I was to start a relationship and didn’t want to ruin our friendship, I guess I was pretty hurt, So we didn’t have any contact for about a year. Then he changed schools and we were at the same school again, and he initiated contact. At that time I was single, and I didn’t want a relationship with him, I still don’t. I know now that we just don’t match. What I see as our relationship was basically just that I liked him and he liked me and we wrote all the time and saw each other a lot. We confided everything to one another….probably it was just a really intense friendship…..It’s hard to explain, and I know that my ex doesn’t know under what category it falls either. We were both just really confused because somehow feelings intruded our friendship…and we were only 16 at the time. Which is why I don’t regard those feelings to have been as sincere as my feelings for my current boyfriend are now, simply because I was younger. And I don’t think I would consider getting back together with my ex. It was too complicated.
Anyway, I told my boyfriend yesterday. I told him I was afraid of recurring feelings for my ex, and that I thought he should know this. I told him that I will break off contact with said boy, to get my feelings in order. He was worried and asked whether I had already fallen in love with him again, but I reassured him that I hadn’t, that I just know that there are unresolved issues, which is why I don’t want to Skype with him anymore.
I think he was relieved that I wasn’t lying to myself about this. And I was relieved after having told him, it eased my guilty conscience a little. And as soon as he was reassured that I really do love him, and I really do, he said he thought breaking off contact with my ex would be a good idea, and said he wanted to stay with me, if I wanted the same.
Which I do.
So thank you for nudging me in the right direction, I know it wasn’t fair to think those thoughts and not tell my boyfriend, I guess I was just too scared and needed a push.
And now I’ll try to sort everything out.