Yes, as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I was once very dour, cynical, and pessimistic. I come from a family of melancholics and depressed people. Doomed, I was. But after I hit rock bottom and decided to not take my own life when it was nearly too late, I made a conscious decision to become the person I want to be, and whom I wanted my son to have for a role-model.
I tried therapy a few times, and it was helpful; but the real work is done every minute of every day in choosing to think and act differently. I started by considering the people I admired, and what traits they had that I could emulate. I observe their demeanor and choice of words, and think how I might adapt those behaviors to fit who I am, so I might present myself similarly, yet still genuinely. This is much like cognitive behavioral therapy, but I don’t know if that term had been coined at the time it occurred to me.
I also decided to make an effort to notice the good and positive things in my life and the world around me. The feeling of the sun on you in the springtime, a green light when I’m running late, a comfy mattress to sleep on, and so on… Practicing gratitude instead of pettiness makes a huge difference in one’s outlook.
Prioritizing what really matters to me in my life helped me shed a lot of unnecessary stress. I realized that there is no such thing as control – except for what I choose to do with this very moment. Time is our most precious commodity… it is finite and none of us knows how much we have, only that each day leaves us with one less; so I choose to spend my time doing what I enjoy and I try to choose the actions that will leave me with the fewest regrets when my time runs out.
I am still a work in progress, so I assure you that it isn’t easy, but it can be done.