I hadn’t been in a physical fight for 40 years, so that was the last thing on my mind when I drove up to my house and found someone parked, blocking my driveway. His drivers seat was leaned back a bit as I passed by.
I parked my car down the block, and walked up to the car, now seeing there was a woman seated next to him. I tapped on the window, and very quietly and calmly asked “Sir, could you move your car? You are parked in my driveway.”
The response I got was “Fuck you, I’m parked in the street!”
“Sir” I calmly said, “You are blocking my driveway.”
“Fuck off!”
I leaned down a bit to repeat my request, when his passenger said “Hey, why don’t you go back inside and have another cocktail?”
I looked at her and said “Shut the fuck up, bitch!” She went nuclear. The driver knew he had to get out of the car and challenge me, and I was a good 4” taller than he (and probably 10 years older). He then did something odd: he pulled up his zipper. He opened the car door, and began getting out of the car. Just reacting, and without planning, I rushed the car door, slamming it twice into his chest. At this point, his chest hurts and he is having trouble breathing, so I figure we are even.
I yelled at him hard to get back in the car and move it. He did so, and said he was calling the cops.
A policeman was there within 3 minutes, with me still at the drivers door.
I told the policeman I didn’t like having strangers parked in my driveway while they were getting blowjobs, and the driver came unglued. The policeman asked me to wait in the house, which I did. He then told the driver to leave, and not come back. He came to my house, and asked me not to put myself in that position again, but agreed that he would do the same thing I had.
As I said, I hadn’t been in a fight in 40 years, but I had an odd rush of adrenaline.