In friendship there is give and take. It isn’t only the person in trouble who gets to give. He should be happy listening to you talk about your happiness. That is a fine subject for friends to talk about.
I actually think it is especially important that you remember to talk about happiness. You guys seem to be in a pattern where you only talk about troubles. What that does is make you think that only troubles exist and only troubles are possible. It is the negativity you are talking about. You need to talk about your positivity so that he understands that good things can happen. You need to bring him up by showing an example, not indulging his depression.
It can’t be fake positive or rah rah cheering. It has to be no-nonsense this is what is happening. You’re not rubbing it in his face, nor are you shying away from it because it might make him feel bad. You talk about it to show him what is possible. Not to blame him or shame him. Just to give him hope. If you can do it, then he can, too. This is important stuff.
In my bipolar group, I think I serve in this role. Sometimes I wonder what I am doing there since I am doing well. But I think it’s what I just told you—it shows people that it is possible to get out and pull yourself up. Every time he complains, you can talk about your experience with that issue. It’s not that you are one-upping him. It’s just your experience. It’s not that you are teaching him a lesson. You’re just laying out experience that he could possible take advantage of. That’s all.
Then it becomes a conversation. His experience, your experience, his experience, your experience. That’s a friendship. That’s not being used. You both take turns listening. It’s equal. It is very important in a friendship that the conversation remains equal, no matter what is happening. Each person gets equal air time…. or at least satisfactory air time.