I find it very hard to confront. This comes, I think, from the anxiety I felt as a kid watching the storms between my rebellious older brother and my parents, and between my mom and dad for that matter. That all made me quite conflict-averse. Even watching confrontation, e.g. an aggressive interview on the news, makes me uncomfortable.
That has a good side, and a bad side. It has made me develop a lot of finesse in finding non-conflictual ways of dealing with problems. That can be very effective. Confrontation typically makes people put up their defenses and resist seeing the problem with their behavior. I find that addressing the issues obliquely and amicably—in effect, show them the right way rather than tell them that they’re wrong—can get the point across without arming those defenses. And too, conflict-averse people like me usually become very adaptable. You learn to put up with a lot.
But that has its dark side. Taking lots of shit can be pretty corrosive in the long run. It can impact your sense of self-worth. It can make you a chronic target for predators and abusers. It can cause resentments to slowly accumulate, unrecognized, to toxic levels.
And there are times when confrontation is the compassionate thing to do. Subtlety doesn’t work with some people. Confrontation may be the only way to set them straight, for their own good.
I now find myself in roles that demand more confrontation from me, and I struggle mightily with that. I try hard to see when I’m avoiding confrontation because a less confrontational approach might be better, and when I’m avoiding it just to spare myself the discomfort. If it’s the latter, I prod myself on into that uncomfortable zone.