Have you ever heard of performance anxiety? I get that from time to time, usually the first time with someone. The cure is just tell me to relax and let you be in charge for a bit. Take care of my pleasure for a bit and I’ll reward you big time. And just for the record I don’t like pleasuring myself as much as sharing pleasure with a partner.

Could just be that he’s more used to getting off alone. It’s not necessarily a sign of a ‘disorder,’ just what he is accustomed to.
I can get myself off in under 60 seconds but with a partner that I’m not very used to, it could take as much as an hour.

Thanks guys. I was embarassed to admit that, but it is very commn. Just talk with your partner and work through things. Not communicating is a clear path to a mess.

At least be thankful it’s not the opposite end of the spectrum, blasting off too soon. How long have you two been together? Is this a new relationship, something you’ve been dealing with for a long time, or something that just cropped up in a long-term relationship?

To put this delicately, you may not be tight enough for him to feel it.

Another minimum requirement is being turned on. If he’s not into you or (possibly) your entire sex. Or maybe he’s only turned on by him!

Also, there’s only so much a man can do. If he’s spent from all his alone time that he has no energy left for together time.. then he’s spent! This you can test simply by his refraining from alone time for a while and seeing if things change.

@filmfann stop perpetuating myths. Most vaginas are the pretty similar on the inside. Having been with some women myself, I know this from experience. Maybe the man just has a small problem of his own…

It could just be a matter of familiarity. After (one would presume) years of experience, he probably knows exactly how to vary his actions to achieve the desired result for himself. You can never know exactly how much he knows about his feelings, no matter how observant or intuitive or caring you are. Plus, as others have said, if he’s engaged in sex with you (with any partner) and isn’t totally selfish, then he’s considering his partner’s feelings, too, and not simply attempting to get off and get to sleep.

At the (however slight) risk of bringing out the dominatrix in you, there are ways to counteract this, to the excitement and enjoyment of both partners.

Before you have sex with him, insist and get him to agree that he is not to orgasm. You can explain that you’re going to work him up to a super orgasm… later. Just don’t explain how much later that might be. And be careful to make sure that you don’t let it happen inadvertently while you’re both getting hot from the denial, because for many men it is a complete turn-on; forbidden fruit, and all that.

Deliberately tease him in any and all ways (including starting and stopping intercourse, manual and oral stimulation) and “edge” him, but don’t allow him release. You can even let him start to take himself close, and be ready to slap his hand away at the appropriate moment if he doesn’t stop on command. There are ways that you can enforce his chastity when he’s out of your clutches, too, but we don’t need to go there… just yet. Before too much longer you’ll have him begging for it, or for “just the chance for it”.

If you are able to get a few sessions with a good couples therapist (clinical psychologist) you two way be able to improve both your intimacy. Intimacy must be good in and out of bed for problems related to performance anxiety to be overcome. There is nothing wrong with you or your equipment, if there was, you’d almost certainly know about that already.

Good luck to both of you. With a little help, you can both be much more satisfied with your relationship.

In my own personal experience, this happens when it has been a while without sex. As well as just true in general.

If I have gone a few month without sex, then start getting some again, it will take longer the first few dozen times. Once I get used to the feeling, it shaves about 20 minutes off the time.

Also, I don’t think it would be possible for anyone to get me off faster than I can get myself off. I have been practicing since I was 9 years old, and have not missed a day, and I know exactly how to get myself off, it is hard to compete with that.

Finally, I think all guys (at least all the ones I know) pride themselves on being able to last a long time. I will often start thinking about minecraft or something just to last longer. Not to mention I also enjoy it lasting longer. It is cool to just stand there poking away, downloading her facial expressions in to my brain.

@ETpro. Yes new. He gets very anxious as I can feel his hands sweating.

In fact his whole body comes out into a sweat.
It is also been a very long while since he had intercourse.

He gets an erection immediately. Within seconds.

He has told me that he was hurt twice by two females. Which I think also caused him to not seek out sex. He puts a lot of meaning on it. The first time he climaxed very quickly, then I think he told himself off? And went the other way?

@everyone thanks for your feedback

If he is on medication, the side effects may be that his ability to ejaculate is effected. Check that out.

@LeavesNoTrace It is no myth. I have been with women who are so tight sex was nearly impossible, and with one woman where there was practically no friction. A virgin is different than a woman who has had children, no? Why do you think this is a myth? A woman stretches out over time, accommodating the man she is with.
I remember sleeping with a woman in her teens, and then sleeping with her several years later, after she had children, and she was divorced. Much, much different.

If a woman is so tight that sex is impossible, it could be a case of vaginismus caused by anxiety or a history of sexual trauma. I had this problem when I was with my ex because he was emotionally abusive and made me uncomfortable. I’m not saying this is the case with your experience as many factors may cause it. I’m just saying much of the time, “tightness” has a lot to do with nerves and/or dryness. When a woman is relaxed, her muscles will also relax, making for easier penetration.

Also, typical penis-vagina sex does not make a woman “loose”. That’s a myth believed by high school boys and girls, meant to perpetuate shame about female sexuality and encourage women to stay “pure”. Sorry guys, but unless you’re part thoroughbred stallion, your junk just isn’t big enough to do that kind of damage to us down there. Vaginas are amazingly tough, designed to take a pounding. In fact, using them often may even improve our “tone”. ;)

As for childbirth, that’s more true for some than others. Depends on the number of children, she’s had, how big they were, her age, and whether she had an episiotomy or not. Practicing kegels can also help maintain the tone of the PC muscles and improve sexual response. Of course, having children would have no effect on the vaginas of women who have had C-sections. (Which, by the way are awful)

So I would say there’s no reason for any nulliparous woman to be “loose” – whether she’s had 0 sexual partners or 50.

@LeavesNoTrace. Just to add to that the more aroused a female is, the more she ‘balloons’. I have actually felt this myself before. And was quite shocked the first time. I do also believe smaller penises enjoy less friction than say a wide penis (and as opposed to a long thin penis).

@LornaLove Then I endorse @Dr_Lawrence‘s suggestion. This should be easily resolved by a competent and qualifies couples therapist.

@LornaLove I hope you’re happy. Now my greatest answers in my profile includes my response about performance anxiety. Your answer on the arousal is right on. When the woman gets more turned on she gets wetter and the guy feels less friction. But that’s okay, at that point I’m less focused on my pleasure than hers, so it helps a guy last til she get’s off.

^^ Brave men deserve recognition! No more anxiety for you!

To me it would have nothing or little to do with performance anxiety. There have been a few women in the past I have been with where it was hard to get a pop with them. It was usually the fit, they were not tight enough for whatever reason to stimulate the part of my drumstick that needed it. Sometimes position made it easier but other times not. Sometimes she would not vary the tempo or stroke enough, and sometimes too much, I was not able to get in a rhythm. When I guy does it alone he should know where to focus the attention for maximum stimulation, unless he really don’t know his own dumbstick.

I’ve been here in regards to oral sex. I couldn’t reach climax by oral it frustrated my partner but she was determined to do it. Turns out it was all in my mind and after some time I was able to reach climax from oral stimulation. I really don’t know what the deal was, I guess my mind just didn’t connect the stimulation enough to the point of reaching peak. It always felt great, but I just couldn’t release.