I still feel a bit inhibited to talk about this stuff here. I’m doing away with those inhibitions right now. It feels a bit like a coming-out.
In real life, no. But I intend to.
I consider myself a relationship anarchist. Being open-minded and not being bothered by defying societal norms is probably important for this sort of thing to work out.
If you count internet relationships, I’ve had a lot of flings and a few proper friends with benefits. Some female, some male. It rarely works out – particularly adding the “friends” part to the “benefits” seems difficult or just uninteresting for a lot of people – but when it does, it’s quite wonderful. (It makes for more fun friendships than those without benefits, and it makes for more fun benefits than those without friendship, if you want my opinion.)
I currently have one lady friend with casual benefits. We’ve been friends sans benefits for a few years, but we’ve always been very open to one another, never bothering to be shy about sexual thoughts. Or about anything, really. So it was never awkward.
We’re still friends first and beneficiaries second. We banter, we have a laugh, we talk about our feelings, we ask each other for advice. And sometimes we screw. Because why the heck not.
I don’t believe there’s any romantic tension involved at all, neither on my side nor on hers. It’s nicely uncomplicated.
…I’ve learned that going from friends-with-benefits to just friends can be painful if only one of you wants to end the sexual aspect. (Think of what a breakup is like.) That’s not to say you can’t go back, but it’ll take patience and a lot of talking about feelings, or it can turn to resentment.