One of my dearest friends from college will soon be visiting me for four days. We haven’t seen each other in three years. In theory, I am excited to see her, but in reality I am feeling anxious. I was hoping for some words of wisdom to help me approach this with the right mindset.

My friend wanted to visit now because she has just moved back home and is feeling lonely. On top of that, she just broke up with her long term boyfriend. She supported me through so many trials in college that I feel I owe it to her to give her a nice visit during this rough time for her. But honestly, it’s a pretty bad time for me to have a houseguest, and she had the resources to visit anytime in the past three years but did not ask to.

We planned this visit of hers just days before I realized I will have to leave the country a month sooner than I thought, which is really stressing me out. I have to take care of many things, from preparing for a long-stay visa appointment at a consulate in another state and going to many doctor’s appointments, to finding lodging in two cities overseas and planning for numerous medical conditions in a foreign country.

I won’t be able to drop everything and spend every minute with her as if we were just hanging out in college. I will have to fill out paperwork, do research, do Skype interviews for lodging, go to doctor’s appointments, etc. All this stuff she’s never had to do, because either her parents or her boyfriend have been taking care of her since she graduated college. I guess I don’t know how to explain this to her without turning it into a rant.

I value hospitality very highly and do not want to be a bad host or bad friend. I suspect that she’s just going to want to sit around and hang out all day, since that’s what she’s been doing for the past three years, but I simply can’t do that. Would it be reasonable of me to suggest a few daytime activities for us, as well as going to restaurants, etc., but make it clear to her that I need to work during the day? Should I suggest to her to make sure to bring some books??

Many thanks in advance for any advice.

Topics: depression, hospitality, working, friendship, Visits