I should preface this by saying, my shrink is out of town and I can’t reach him.

I don’t know what’s going on… I haven’t changed my meds, I’ve been eating well and exercising good sleep hygiene. Things are picking up on the job front. I feel creative and generally things are pretty good. Yet, I feel adrift:

Yesterday, as I was falling asleep, I was thinking how nice it would be for it just to end. Now, I’ve never attempted suicide, but have had suicidal thoughts. I’d like to say emphatically that I would never do it, but I’d be lying. Now, if it was just one-night, I’d chalk it up to some aberrant brain activity, but its been a running-theme. Throughout the day, I get progressively more withdrawn and angry; I become uncommunicative with my family and don’t want to talk to my friends. I get a tightness in my chest, and I feel like I could lash out at anyone, for any reason. It goes on…

Then, I wake in the morning and realize how irrational my thinking was. I suppose it’s the nature of the beast when you’re bipolar, but its getting out of hand. It’s just so terrible to know something is irrational, yet get so caught up in it. So, what’s the cause? I’m sure the remedy is higher-doses of meds, but why is this monster rearing its ugly head when things are good?