Social Question

Mama_Cakes's avatar

Same sex couples who wouldn't mind getting married, would you take your partner's last name?

Asked by Mama_Cakes (11085points) July 17th, 2013
25 responses
“Great Question” (7points)

Keep yours only? Hyphenated? Or have theirs only?

We’re going the hyphenated route!

I’m a little giddy. We were talking about it last night. Made the whole thing a little more real!

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Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I think I would prefer the hyphenated. It keeps your family identity but also recognizes your partner and keeps her family identity.

bookish1's avatar

Hey, congratulations!!!

If I am ever in this situation (same sex arrangements are even tricker to navigate when trans people are involved), I plan on keeping my last name. Because it’s badass. Also, I already have a publication record under my original name.

Tropical_Willie's avatar

I know two couples that hyphenated their names.

Mama_Cakes's avatar

@Tropical_Willie Same sex couples? Or couples in general?

Tropical_Willie's avatar

Sorry ! Both, one couple was same sex, the other heterosexual couple. Same sex couple one partner had A-B and the other was B-A.

JLeslie's avatar

So, will you both hyphenate the same way? Or, you will hyphenate yours first hers second, and she will do hers first and your second?

I think this Q shows that taking the man’s name isn’t all about some throwback to a tradition of women being treated like property, but that couples regard surnames as another way to show they are united.

Just a reminder that the majority of people are not good at handeling hyphenated names. Writing them, filing under them, if the names are long it will be difficult to fit it on forms, etc.

You could just take her last name as your middle name and vice versa for her.

Mama_Cakes's avatar

@JLeslie We’re going with what sounds best. Mine first, hers second (for the both of us).

gailcalled's avatar

My buddies David and Greg recently got married; each kept his own name. They both wear rings. I wonder whether men, in general, fret less about this than women?

JLeslie's avatar

@gailcalled Interesting question.

Headhurts's avatar

My bosses are women and are married to each other. They have kept their own names. One is bisexual, she said if she married a man she would have changed her name. I don’t know her reasons for not doing. I will ask her on Friday as I am intrigued myself now.

jerv's avatar

My mother has been married 3 times and never changed her name, and my wife kept her name too.

SuperMouse's avatar

The coolest idea I came across was a professor I had who combined her name with her husand’s to form one new name. Of course both were short enough to do it without making the name prohibitively long and it the name they created is very pleasant sounding. I like the hyphenated route too, it honors both people and both names.

livelaughlove21's avatar

I married a man, but I was happy to get rid of my last name. Good riddance!

I find hyphenated names to be confusing and unnecessarily long, especially if you have children. I’d prefer the option to drop your middle name, replace it with your maiden name, and take the other person’s last name. But with my maiden name, I wouldn’t do that either.

Kardamom's avatar

Congratulations @Mama_Cakes! When do you think you will be getting married? U.S. or Canada? Whatcha gonna wear? What are you serving at the reception? These are all things we gotta know : )

I wonder if it would be possible to get married at a venue in which one foot could be inside the U.S. and one foot could be inside Canada. Wouldn’t that be cool?

Mama_Cakes's avatar

Thank-you! Married next June. In Canada (along the lake). No idea about the other details! :)

Judi's avatar

The friends that I have that are married (mostly in my church) seem to hyphenate. Both male and female couples.
I’m in California and my pastor is super busy conducting weddings since the Supreme Court decision.

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

I think that female couples are more likely to decide on a name change. Male couples, no. I think the explanation’s simple — wives are much more accustomed to getting a new name at marriage, but that’s not the convention or tradition for husbands.

I know female couples who choose one partner’s name and go with it. Other couples combine their names and come up with some new; for example, Johnston and Marshall might switch to Marston.

Mama_Cakes's avatar

I may talk to her about taking her last name. I do not have a problem with it.

tinyfaery's avatar

We have a joke made up last name. It’s Lucy’s maiden name in I Love Lucy.

We haven’t really thought about it. If I had married a man I would have kept my last name.

I have not made a choice yet.

Mama_Cakes's avatar


tinyfaery's avatar

Yep. Haha.

Mama_Cakes's avatar


Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

I would like everyone to go with hyphenated names, or something like Spaniards’ system of family names. As an amateur historian, this would certainly be helpful. Tracking females’ lives, unless they are very famous, is a bitch sometimes quite difficult.

muppetish's avatar

If I could convince my partner to do so, I would prefer to choose a completely new last name.

downtide's avatar

My partner and I discussed this when I changed my name as part of my transition, and we decided to keep our own surnames. Partly because to me it seems odd for a man to have a surname different from the one he was born with, and partly because me going back to my original surname helped in some way for my father to feel a little bit happier about my transition.

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