Morbid curiosity, I guess. I went through this, but I can’t explain it. My specialty as a teen was gore. I had a shitload of sites to check out, and I would pretend that I thought it was cool, although it was really nothing more than upsetting. And it wasn’t anything I was trying to prove to anyone, as many times, I would check these out on my own.
I guess maybe people are kind of like cats. You just have to explore, and you keep doping it, even if not all of the outcomes are satisfying. I denno. Then eventually, you’re like, aaah fuck this, I’m taking a nap. :)