My sweetie and I met 4 years ago in our mid-40s. We crossed paths on a social network and interacted there for a while, then continued our friendship via emails, text and phone. We lived about 90 miles apart, and met in the city a few times as platonic friends. We weren’t looking for a relationship, but our compatibility and chemistry were too strong to deny. We spent most weekends together and started looking for our own home after about 6 months. We’ve lived together for nearly 3 years now and we’ve only ever had had 1 tiff, which blows my mind because my previous relationships involved so much fighting and drama.
Mid-life doesn’t guarantee maturity. I’d previously dated others in the same age range that were far from ready for a serious relationship. The key is that both people have reached a level of self-actualization where they are comfortable and confident in themselves whether single or coupled, and where they don’t have insecurities that cause so many of the neediness or control issues that can destroy relationships. The relationship I was in a year before this one really tested me because of the indecisiveness and instability of the ex. In my 30s or younger, I would have gotten all caught up in the game of him pulling me closer then been destroyed when he pushed me away. I surprised myself because I was able to maintain my dignity and to express patience and concern with his flip-flopping, and not be distraught when he rejected me. Although it didn’t work out, I learned that I had developed a mature sense of integrity and stability so that I could choose a relationship or not and I didn’t have to settle for anything less than I deserve.
So my advice is always to work on oneself to become the person you want to be. Work on resolving whatever personal issues that may be holding you back from happiness. If the past had troubled relationships, consider what mistakes were made, what patterns have been repeated, and what you could do differently if similar situations arise in the future. Pursue your interests and live your life today by finding groups and organizations based on the things that are meaningful to you. In doing so, you will meet like-minded people and develop new friendships and build your confidence. Perhaps a new friendship will become a new romance; but even if it doesn’t, you’re out having fun and not sitting home staring at a screen.