General Question

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

What does it take to change?

Asked by Hawaii_Jake (34073points) August 11th, 2013
9 responses
“Great Question” (13points)

Real change.

Hopefully, people change as we grow and mature. With knowledge gained through learning and experience, we change.

How have you changed in your life?

I firmly believe that fundamental, lasting change only happens when staying the same is more painful than alteration.

What caused you to change?

I’ve changed fundamentally three times in my life: by getting sober, coming out of the closet, and being diagnosed with a mental illness. The first one cleared up a lot of the fog I lived in for decades. The second one caused me great anguish beforehand and in the early days but ultimately led to real freedom. The last one shattered the foundations of my life. I lost a very high paying job, many friends deserted me, and my family was baffled. All in all, change opened me to new ways of looking at life.

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Coloma's avatar

I have changed profoundly in my belief systems and tastes over the years but the core me is still the same.
A bit of a hedonist, love to eat, drink, talk, joke, be merry.
Very orally fixated. lol
I think self acceptance is the key, overall I really like who I am as a person, but I will always struggle with self discipline. Such is the nature of my personality style. That’s okay…better a lively and vivacious hedonist that wants to soak up the good stuff rather than an anal, OCD type with the personality of a loaf of bread. lol

janbb's avatar

I have had change thrust upon me. Like you, I was numb and in a fog before – in my marriage – but thought falsely that I had a secure base. I am on the path of discovering the ability to live a solitary life; albeit with many good friends in it. I have experienced a great love and friendship with someone in the past few years and have had to deal with the reality of it just being a great friendship and not a reciprocal love. I have had to learn how to enjoy time alone; not just suffer it as I often did in my marriage. My kids also live far away and have their own lives so not being with family around is also an adjustment.

Inspired_2write's avatar

One cannot keep doing the same things but expecting defferent results.
Usually if someone does not make a move to improve their life, life has a way of
bringing pressure to mobilize the person to move in a new direction.
Often this new direction was what was needed all along.
We all grow at fiffernent rates. But in the end we become a whole person again with
a better outlook, because of the experience.

Headhurts's avatar

I think it takes huge happenings in ones life to change. As young as I were, I think my first change was in my early years, 5 or 6. My parents divorced, but before they did, there was violence and that changed any childhood thoughts and young adult thoughts of what life should be.
My next change was when I met my current partner, this was a change that HAD to happen. I changed because I didn’t want this relationship to end up like the rest. I always thought that love meant violence (because of my early years). I wanted this relationship to be happy. It took a while to change but with his help, it has.
There are still many changes I need to make, some changes are easier said than done.

marinelife's avatar

Well, to change a habit takes 28 days of effort before the new way becomes the routine.

Real change? Time and work. You need to recognize emotional patterns. Then you have to catch yourself experiencing those patterns. You tend to be able to catch then earlier and earlier with practice. Then, slowly, you can substitute new responses or behaviors.

yankeetooter's avatar

I need something in my life to change, but I lack will, or strength, (or something) to be able to do so. Nothing is getting better…

GoldieAV16's avatar

Determination. Knowledge. Mindfulness. Ability to accept setbacks and defeats, and keep on the path to change. Patience. Being kind to myself when I fall short of change expectations/goals. Realistic goals/expectations.

Try again.
Try again.
Try again…

LornaLove's avatar

Getting sober 25 years ago. Studying for my degree in Psychology. Grabbing an opportunity in an industry I knew nothing about it was tough but I learned so much. Recently moving country and tossing away everything I owned at the age of 50.

augustlan's avatar

Suffering. When the suffering becomes too much to bear, we either change or we die – physically or metaphorically. This sounds much more morose than I mean it to be.

For me, therapy and medication brought about successful change. But it was the suffering that led me to get that help in the first place.

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