I used to be highly anxious about being smart, but not as intelligent as people assumed I was. My family placed a VERY high value on intellect and weren’t too concerned about other things – like warmth, kindness, empathy or even basic social skills. I hung on to my brains for dear life and assumed that nothing else mattered. If anyone made fun of me or rejected my attempts at friendship, it was because they were intimidated by my “vast intellect.”
Also, because my parents valued intelligence over everything else, any lack of knowledge or trouble problem solving was a sign of weakness and possibly disappointing my family. If I were in a situation that confused me, I HAD to fake it. Showing any sign of weakness in intelligence was very dangerous to me. So I turned into one of those pompous know it all windbags people hate. And while I could “fake it” in many situations, it was hard to fake knowledge in a subject that the other person was an expert in—but I’d still try it and look like one of those idiots who was more full of bull than brains.
Things got better for me once I came to the realization that while I may be somewhat smart, I lacked many basic social skills and had other shortcomings. And these things WERE just as important as being intelligent. I worked hard on this and life improved.
I also learnd that instead of trying to hide the fact that I didn’t understand or know something, it was totally fine to say “I’m lost. I have no idea what you’re talking about.” People respect you more when you’re willing to do that. Even the brightest people can fumble up and get confused now and then. It’s not a sign that you’re secretly an idiot.