I can really relate to thi issue. I’ve been married to a Serb for over a decade. She speaks English fluently (she has a degree in English). We live in America and most of our guests are capable of speaking English, but the conversation invariably turns to Serbian.
The first instance was before we were even married. A Serbian acquaintance of hers came over and the three of us sat at the table for coffee. He speaks English perfectly, but within a couple of minutes they were speaking Serbian. At the first pause, I asked what they were talking about, got a brief translation, and then they were back to Serbian. This continued on and on and I finally got up and left the table and the room. Later, she wanted to know why I was so rude. I thought it was very clear that my company was unwanted. This scenario has continued for the past decade.
Now we have children and almost every conversation in my home is in Serbian. In the past ten years, I have averaged a 60 to 70 hour work week and have had little to no time to learn a foreign language. I’ve picked up a little Serbian, but I’m certainly not conversational. She has made only minor efforts to teach me a little vocabulary and languages don’t come easy to me.
So now when I complain about the rudeness of discluding me from practically every conversation in my home, she says that I’ve had ten years to learn Serbian. I say that she’s had ten years to learn some manners.
This has really been a sore point between us. Even when our guests speak English, my wife leads the conversation back to Serbian. My step-daughter is such a langauge nazi about it that she chastises her little sisters when they speak English.
Frankly, a decade into this, I never feel at home. I enjoy conversation and resent that I can’t really participate in my own home. I’ve tried to understand, truly, that with us living in the U.S. she wants to instill her culture in our children, and I’m OK with that, but not to the exclusion of me and mine. I’ve explained my feelings, politely at first, and then with varying degrees of hurt, anger, and disappointment. Such explanations are met with malice and contempt.
Now, I see no other conclusion I can come to, except that my participation in conversations is not welcome. So, when I have tried to find other outlets for such human interaction, whether friends, the internet, etc, I am accused of spending too much time talking on the phone or on the computer. I’d love to spend that time talking to my wife, but clearly that desire is not reciprocal.
So, I’m a bit confused. Am I the bad guy here? Am I somehow not getting it?