My brother had an issue with one of his daughters . I won’t get into it either, but he tried several times to reconcile and she was the same way, she kept coming up with things that had nothing to do with him, but it seemed like if she said it, then it must be so.
He finally just stopped trying and after about 2 years she came to him. She didn’t exactly apologize or even mention the incident, but he was okay with it.

This kind of thing is evidence that the deeper cause of the rift hasn’t been recognized. We do this a lot: we have a strong emotional response to a situation or a person, but that emotion arises from an unconscious process. It has a cause, but that cause is not available to the conscious mind. We just have the strong feeling (e.g. of animosity or alienation). But we need to somehow explain that feeling to ourselves so that we can both justify it and, perhaps, seek a remedy.

Whatever explanation we come up with for that feeling may not have anything to do with the actual root cause of the feeling; it often doesn’t. It’s more of a hypothesis, really, and upon further testing we realize that it doesn’t really explain the feeling. Some new hypothesis then gets cooked up. That will continue until the real root of the feeling gets recognized.

Family therapy might be the only way to get all the parties to look deeply, below the superficial slights, and to face things they might be resistant to facing on their own. It’s especially hard to recognize one’s own role in perpetuating the feeling.

You can reconile with anyone as long as you decide you are willing to make all the adjustments necessary. Do NOT expect the other person to compromise.

I believe thorninmud has the answer. Something had been going on previously and the item you spoke of was the ‘last straw’ for the youngster. Serious professional help might uncover the real problem.

^^^^ “Seek professional help”, for your husband too.

Are there drugs or alcohol involved?

@Tropical_Willie my husband has been working with a therapist for a while, unfortunately the son has refused to go. While there are no drugs and alcohol involved at this point (as far as we know), alcoholism tore the family apart when the boy was younger and bio mom continues to struggle with her addiction.

I’m not a therapist. I would think that because of his mother, it may have made it easier to fabricate and manipulate.