Hi @Pied_Pfeffer! Golly I don’t find much time to come by here these days, but I’m glad I stopped by today to see your question.
Well my main concern at the time of posing this question was that I was beginning to wonder if I ought to consider myself asexual…but this did not mean that I want to be alone during my life, quite the opposite: I love family and would be very lonely without one. But what hope does a girl who doesn’t like sex have of finding a person/people to share her life with?
I’m happy to say that these concerns aren’t as relevant to my life anymore. Happy not because there would have been something wrong with being asexual, but happy because it’s just plain easier not to be asexual – those worries don’t have to be mine anymore. I had had those worries after my second ever relationship came to an end in the same way that the first one had – I liked the guy, I rationally understood that he was pretty awesome, but the strength of my feelings just wasn’t what it “should” have been.
In the meantime I have entered a new relationship (it is hard to stay a single girl at a tech school where there are 3x as many dudes as there are ladies) and it’s early yet, but I’m happy to say that everything feels different. I haven’t felt passion like this since…well, ever. I think I hadn’t met the right person yet.
That’s not to say the question and its answers are irrelevant to me now. My biggest concern is assuaged for now but my life is still going to be far from conventional if I have my way. I am certain that I do not want to have children. I don’t trust my body enough with pregnancy nor my genes with producing offspring that won’t have to suffer like I have. I am still open to the concept of adoption, but my current leaning is no. I think it’d be irresponsible to drag children through the bumpy road that my life might be, and to be perfectly honest I don’t want to not be my own top priority for 18 years. I don’t want to stay in one place for long, I don’t want to do one job for long, I want to go back to school periodically. I have too many interests to limit myself to doing one thing from 9–5 for my whole life.
But I know that lots of people dream big like me, but end up falling into what is easiest and safest and familiar. I fear my ability to stick to these ideals especially because I can’t really afford to be risky with my career because of health insurance concerns. It is comforting to me to see that other people have managed to stay away from the cookie cutter American life if they determined that wasn’t what they wanted.