My grandfather is far past the point where he recalls how to eat or drink himself.
My grandmother demands that my mother spend as much time as is required twice daily to gently and painstakingly nudge liquified food and supplements into him. She doesn’t have the strength to do the “feeding” herself. As if all this constant attention weren’t enough my mother is forced to handle all of my gmom’s affairs: Running of my gmom’s trailer court business (taxes, maintenance, rent collection, evictions, etc.) all from more than a thousand miles distance over the phone and computer.
This is on top of my mother’s sense of duty to keep the home they are all living in.
There’s no doubt in the minds of the rest of us that this is not what he would want based on his personality, outlook and the fact long ago he joked “just toss me in the creek.”
There’s a host of complicating factors on my mother’s side:
Mom and gmom are sufferers of depression, narcissistic personality disorders and anxiety issues. They attempt to self medicate with fundamental Christianity.
My mom’s sister and her husband had a much more pragmatic approach when her mother and law refused to eat or drink for the same reason.
Less than a week later she comfortably passed. No prolonged pain or expense. My aunt is not caught up in the web of codependency my mom and gmom are stuck in.
The rest of the family grimly looks on as my once brilliant and self sufficient grandfather so gradually wastes away.