When someone knocks at my door or phones me, my heart jumps and I get anxious and nervous, and I can’t really figure out why. In fact I admit, it makes me feel scared, and sometimes I ignore the knock or ringing until it stops. As far as I know, the authorities aren’t after me or nothing. So I have no idea what this is about, although I am an introvert. (fucks if I know if every other introvert experiences this)
When I answer the door or phone, it’s never anything extreme, just normal stuff, and I’m not expecting dreadful news or anything. It’s like instinct boils up, and has no reason to. I feel relieved when I hear/see the person because then I have an idea of what I’m dealing with, so maybe the not knowing thing is the reason? The only time this doesn’t happen is when I’m expecting the call, and then the opposite happens.
As far as introverts go, I’m sure there’s a difference between not liking people, and being scared of them. I’m no good in social situations and so I avoid them like the plague, because I fear humiliation above all else. And it’s happened before, this is not a baseless fear. I’ve always been shy ever since I was a kid, but a lot more than most other shy people I’ve met. Just picking up milk at the store filled me with dread because it meant I had to interact with some stranger when making the purchase. So a lot of this is probably some problem in my brain I was born with. (as I cannot pinpoint some triggering element) I’ve worked on it a lot though, especially by working as a waitress. You have to talk to people all the time, but my secret is, I turn into a robot. You don’t actually converse with them or anything, just say what you gotta say, and answer accordingly. It’s kind of like being at school, and answering when the teacher talks to you. Except I can’t use this in social situations because it isn’t work, and working is something you absolutely have to do. Denno if that makes sense. Easier to hide than to face it.
Sorry, I strayed off way too far, but I sort of felt the need to at least try and justify, or elaborate, my spazzing out when someone calls on me. But this is Fluther, where I can express myself and derail questions and no one can do anything about it. :)