Tempted to PM you. But I’ll hold off for now. First thing to note is that there is something about depression that is a a guarantee: you are not in a state to make any decisions – especially of great importance. Keep yourself safe. As unlikely as it appears right now, life is worth living and it’s pretty amazing. That out of the way…
You likely will need to approach this in multiple ways:
– Seek the assistance of a professional.
– Medication may help.
– Exercise is a must. Especially when you feel that you have no energy to even get out of bed.
And in my experience, the following has proven helpful:
Get outside. Use what little energy you have to get yourself outside (during the day) and sit on the ground. You job is to simply observe. Get down real low and notice the blades of grass and the ants. Shake your perspective and see things that you have not seen in a long time – or ever.
Meditate. Just do the “simple” task of following your breath. Pay attention to the sensations you feel as you inhale and then exhale. When your mind wanders, observe it and try to gently come back to the breath. If you’re immobilized by your lack of energy, this may be doable. After some time, notice the nature of your thoughts that arise, and try to view them as thoughts, then come back to the breath. You might find that the nature of your thoughts (which are just arising beyond your control) is the fuel source of your depression. Observing the breath (even when it seems to take all of your energy to breathe) might help you ground yourself in the present moment (even temporarily), which can be of great relief. It can also help put those nagging thoughts into perspective, as you start to view them as thoughts, rather than living within those thoughts.
You will feel better. So many of us have gone through this. The fact that you will feel better is something I am most certain of. As @Hawaii_Jake mentions, nothing is permanent – even this funk you’re in.
Please feel free to reach out via pm anytime.