Make conversation an art form. Everyone loves talking to a good conversationalist, because it can be such a rare thing in our social media age where few people can think beyond 160 characters at a time. A few guidelines:
- People need to feel you are interested in them before they become interested in you. I don’t care if you’ve ridden a unicycle through the great migrations of the Serengeti, listen to other people’s stories first.
– Build your memory. Nothing says “I listen to you, and value what you say” like pulling up a relevant fact about a person that they forgot they even told you.
– Remember names of friends, and address them using their names the first few times you meet up. If you remember someone’s name when they’re not sure of yours, they feel bad. And then they try to get to know you better to make up for it. Just don’t do it in a way that socially devalues yourself – meaning don’t suck up.
– Ask relevant questions. This can yield so much more information that a response like “that must’ve been fun”, and you’ll feel like old friends in no time.
– Break up your conversations with humour. No one wants a D&M early in a friendship, so joke around a bit to keep everything light-hearted.
– Have a damn good story to tell. Once a person is interested in your life, and stops talking about themselves, you’d better keep their attention. A good fast paced story is a great way to do this, and you can portray yourself however you like while you’re at it. If you start with “Oh yeah, that reminds me of last week’s audit I did at my accounting firm”, you’re not doing it right. Try something more like “Everyone should dive with sharks once in their life. Just last month, I went to…” And leave plenty of gaps in your story, that will have them asking questions and getting involved in the telling of the story.
If you’re more fun to be around, people will want to be around you, and that will bring you satisfaction. Work on other people’s happiness (without being that whimpering suck up), and your own will come to you.
There are only two things in life that I have found to reliably make people happy: positive social interactions on a regular basis, and the relaxed confidence of knowing within yourself that you are a fantastic, accomplished person. Both aspects feed from each other, so work on both. Do more, see more, be more. And then translate it into your social circles.