Okay, here’s another lie I used to tell very often.
Okay, so I’ve worked with the dying for a number of years, in a private hospice. Personal experience is that when some get close to the end, they get a little confused and start feeling an “urgency” to go. Usually, they wake up from sleep and are like “I need to go!!!” They actually start thinking that they have to catch a bus, a plane, a train, or that they will be “late” to a certain important meeting. This is something I’ve seen again and again. It’s very interesting. My own grandmother did it before she died and I dealt with it the same way as I’ve dealt with it with all the other patients.
I lied.
instead of saying “Hey, no you are just being delirious, there is no train/bus/plane, you’re in bed” I say “shhh shh it’s okay. You are very tired. Your plane/train/bus won’t be here for another several hours. You have plenty of time to rest before it gets here. I promise you, you won’t miss it, okay? I’ll be here to make sure you don’t oversleep, okay?”
Sometimes they start worrying about packing a briefcase for the “trip”, and I say “Oh don’t worry, I’ll take care of that for you, okay? We have it all taken care of. Just relax and breathe. I’m here.”
I’ve told those same lies to my grandmother too. It comforts them. They don’t need to hear the truth at that point.
I like to tell this to “moral absolutists” because it sorts of stops them in their tracks. You have to be a really cold S.O.B. to want to jolt the dying with the truth, arguing with them in their delirium, and upsetting them. No, I wouldn’t want that for myself. I’d want someone to soothe me and squeeze my hand.