If you are serious and not just playing the drama queen, then what you are describing is hopelessness.
I suspect you are a typical modern manque, so I’ll go with that. You need to stand up and do whatever you need to do to fix yourself. There must be things you’d like to do. You know the type people you like to be around. You must’ve had a dream of becoming something once. Work at these things. Be who you want to be. Get everybody out of your life who doesn’t belong there. Be uncompromising about this. Get mad if that’s what it takes. Just do it. You have only one life and you better make yours or fucking die trying. Stop letting the world make you their bitch. You really don’t have a choice once you glimpse the alternative.
And forget about the Big Picture: climate change, nuclear war, the plethora of injustice that is out there… You’re so crippled and without hope that there isn’t anything you would be able to do about all that even if you had an opportunity to do so. Because you’re literally hopeless. You need to concentrate on the business at hand. Get back to all that when you are well and whole.
The alternative is a rotten life of insecurity, fear, anger, guilt, anxiety, unhappiness, depression—all the trappings of an unfulfilled life. Society’s solution is meds. Lots and lots of meds of which you become dependent, tethered to doctors, and barely make it all bearable. In reality they solve nothing. They just bury some of the symptoms. The problems still exist and they will come to bite you when the meds wear off.
Life is work, it’s a piece of art, it’s yours only, and it is extremely rewarding when you get it right. It’s easier to get it right when you make getting it right top priority, more important than anybody or anything. Stop with the hopelessness and get to work. Your life depends on it.