My opinion is that the more you "strive" to find or connect with your higher self, the less successful you are in actually doing so.
I didn't find any suicide requirements in the link you provided. In fact, the reference you provided seems to have been authored primarily by one of the organization's major early detractors http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/mobile/?q=Acts 9 , who was clearly not "ready to wake up", but had to be struck blind before "waking".
According to the source you provided, your waker foreknew and predestined you to conform. http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/mobile/?q=Romans 8%3A29
"You" didn't do anything... nor did you have any choice in the matter.
As a courtesy, he gave you a call
http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/mobile/?q=Romans 8%3A30
... and let you know you were predestined
http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/mobile/?q=Ephesians 1%3A5
You had absolutely no choice... whatever you got, you obtained because you were picked...
http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/mobile/?q=Ephesians 1%3A11
... not because of any suicide you lay claim to, or any striving to connect...
at least not according to the source you provided.