This statement worries me: But I don’t want to because I have this sense of loyalty for my bf and dunno how to break it
No one should ever feel loyalty towards someone who treats them poorly. You are setting yourself up for potential abuse from this guy. He’s already done some pretty crappy things, he’s not worth it, unless you thrive on pain and suffering.
Think about if you were having this conversation with a friend or your sister, only they were the person with the crappy boyfriend. Would you suggest that they stay with the guy because they would seem un-loyal if they didn’t? If your friend or sister was in an abusive relationship what would you say to her?
You say you sometimes still feel pain when you have intercourse. That means there is a problem. You should really see your doctor about it. Do you have any reason not to?
I get the feeling that you are afraid of doctors and afraid of being alone and afraid of how you might appear to other people if you make a decision that will help you to live a healthier and happier life. Some how, you have to get it together and do what is right for you.
You can always come on here and we’ll help to walk you through it. You already took one big step, by moving out of that guy’s house. Now you need to muster up the courage and break up with him. Not try to break up, but actually break up. Then give yourself a little bit of time to grieve. If the grieving seems to be going on for too long, you might want to have a couple of sessions with a counselor to see if they can give you tips for coping.
Wait awhile before you start dating someone else. Learn to get to know yourself and what’s good for you, before you get into a relationship with someone else. You need to know and like yourself so you can present that information to a potential new mate.
By the way, just so we can give better advice, how old are you? And how long were you dating this guy? Are you in school? Do you have a job? Do you have female friends that you can talk to?