General Question

Cupcake's avatar

At what age would you leave your kid with grandparents for a few days?

Asked by Cupcake (15437points) August 1st, 2014
18 responses
“Great Question” (1points)

I’m not sure that other details are necessary.

In my case, the grandparents live about 3 hours away.

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snowberry's avatar

It all depends on your child and their relationship with the grandparents. I saw my grandchild every day from the day she was born. So when her folks wanted to leave her with me overnight it was just fine (in fact, better than fine) as far as she was concerned. Do it when the child is ready.

stanleybmanly's avatar

I would have trusted my children with either set of grandparents from day one. As @snowberry says the answer depends on the dispositions of the kids and the capabilities of the grandparents.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Day one. That is, if they want to keep them. I mean, you’re alive, right? They know what to do.

Skaggfacemutt's avatar

I am a grandma and I would hope that any of my children would trust me completely with their kids, from day one. I raised four children – I am experienced. They couldn’t be in better hands.

Jonesn4burgers's avatar

I think it depends on individual developement associated with aging, but I would not want to leave children overnight with grandparents over seventy years of age or so. I believe it would be too taxing on them.

JLeslie's avatar

My guess is it has more to do with when the parents are ready to be away from the child for a few days more than whether the grandparents or children are ready.

Adagio's avatar

To my mind it depends on the relationship between child and grandparents and if there is a comfortable familiarity. Also depends on the grandparents, if you were raised in a totally dysfunctional family and your parents were neglectful/emotionally unavailable etc I would definitely not want to leave a grandchild with them. Use your common sense, go with your instincts.

cazzie's avatar

There is much more to this question than what you have written. How old are the grandparents and how physically able are they? Is the child used to visiting for hours at a time on their own? My son had only one set of grandparents and they were never able to look after him because of their age and health. It depends.

Cupcake's avatar

Wow… sometimes questions go in a direction you don’t expect.

Of course it depends on the kid and the grandparents and whether they can handle it. I wouldn’t even consider sending a kid to an elderly grandparent who could not care for them.

I wouldn’t say there is comfortable familiarity with grandparents who live hours away. They have seen each other maybe 10 times ever.

If I had asked “at what age would you send your kid to summer camp?”, would everyone reply that it depends on the readiness of the kid and the reputability of the camp? That’s a given for me. I was really just looking for an average age, some things to keep in mind and maybe some anecdotes. Is 2 too young? Would it be too stressful (for the little one or the grandparents)? 3? 4? 5? Out of diapers? Already attends preschool/kindergarten? What cues would you look for to determine whether the kid would enjoy a few days away with grandparents?

My oldest is almost an adult now. He visited my parents several times, but I don’t remember at what age that began.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@Cupcake in that case, you can leave your kids with them, overnight, from day one.

snowberry's avatar

My grandparents lived about 5 hours away when I was a child. I first remember staying by myself at Grandma and Grandpa’s ranch when I was about 8. I was very small for my age, and my parents told me that if I weren’t so frail, they would have allowed me to do several things earlier. I wonder if they’d have left me earlier at the ranch.

JLeslie's avatar

I agree with @Dutchess_III. I think you can leave children with grandparents from day one. I used to go to my grandparents for a night or two as far back as I can remember, which means my sister was 2 if not younger. I would have to ask my mom if she left us overnight when my sister was an infant. When I was born my parents lived in another state. Even when we lived less than an hour away we saw my grandparents maybe 6 times a year. It wasn’t that we were with them every weekend, or even every month.

When I was 6 I think we started going away with my grandparents for three weeks during the summer, so my sister was 3 at that time. I think the first year my parents came up one weekend during those 3 weeks. My grandma was one of my favorite people in the world. I felt just as safe with my grandparents as my parents. My grandparents cooked different food, and we had different things to play with, and grandparents are the people in the world (hopefully) who are always thrilled to see you.

Cupcake's avatar

Thanks guys… love the stories!

I am exclusively breastfeeding my infant (until he starts eating food, anyway)... so there won’t be sleepovers for him until he is over a year old, at least. The toddler has only slept over with (different) grandparents when I was giving birth to his little brother, and I’m just not sure that he would like to be away from his baby brother AND parents for a few days. I’ll keep thinking about it.

JLeslie's avatar

@Cupcake Are the grandparents asking for your children to stay over? Are you ready if your kids are fine with it?

Cupcake's avatar

No… the little ones go to an in-home daycare and the provider is going on a 2 week vacation. It’s easier for the local grandparents to take care of just 1 kid at a time, so I was thinking of leaving the 2 year old with the out-of-town grandparents for a few days after we visit them for a weekend. It would make childcare easier for one of the two weeks and I thought the 2 year old might really enjoy it. Then I started wondering if he is too young for that. It’s not a necessary thing… and I’d hate for him to just cry for his parents and baby brother.

JLeslie's avatar

@cupcake I think give it a try. Can you stay close by for an extra day at a hotel and if the two year old doesn’t adjust just take him home with you? How far are the out of town grandparents again? I don’t remember what you said.

Cupcake's avatar

No. 3 hours travel one way (so at least 4 hours with the baby).

I’ll be bringing my oldest to college. :)

JLeslie's avatar

I’m not sure why you can’t stay close by the first night at a hotel from your answer, but it doesn’t matter if I don’t understand, I have confidence you have thought through all the different possibilities, including maybe having the grandparents stay in your house to watch your toddler. Only do what you are comfortable with obviously. I think mom’s usually should just listen to their gut. As women we don’t listen to ourselves all the time, but when it comes to our children I think we are fairly good at it.

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