I wish I knew the words to express my views on this, I’ll try my best.
To me, when people talk about ‘giving someone their heart’, it seems like they have placed some sort of expectations on them, and/or that they depend on the other for some sense of fulfillment. But I guess I could say that I have a revolving door policy (to borrow from @thorninmud‘s analogy). I accept that people will come and go throughout our lives, and that each person has their own histories and futures and complex storyline. I respect that we are separate entities and do not base my own sense of self-worth on my relationship with them.
I love my son as much as any parent could love their child, but I don’t define myself as a ‘mother’. When he attempted suicide several years ago, I was sad and concerned, but not distraught. He has his own path to follow, and I have guided him this far as well as I could. I love my sweetheart as much as I’ve loved anyone, but I do not define myself as a ‘fiancée’. When the time comes for us to say goodbye – whether parted by death or other circumstances – my heart will break, but I won’t be destroyed. I am Kat, with or without them.
I am my own self with anyone, whether we’ve just met or I’ve known them since before I can remember. I offer my love, support and encouragement to anyone, and do my best not to judge people but to allow them to reveal their character to me. I take each individual at face value and if someone proves themselves untrustworthy, I will no longer put my trust in them—but that does not mean that I no longer wish them well.
There was a time when I did emotionally depend on my son and my sweetheart to be reflections of myself and to be my source of happiness. There was a lot of drama when things weren’t going the way I wanted them to or hoped they would. Human nature being what it is, it was rare that things were peachy-keen, so we all wound up miserable. Once I learned to be accountable for myself and to place others’ self-responsibility in their hands, I developed a sense of integrity and found that life is more harmonious and content, and my capacity for love has expanded.