General Question

Aethelwine's avatar

How did you decline the ice bucket challenge?

Asked by Aethelwine (42961points) August 23rd, 2014
34 responses
“Great Question” (10points)

Have you been nominated to do this? Did you decline? How did you decline?

I don’t like being pressured to donate to charity and I especially don’t like to be pressured to post a video of myself or my child online. I don’t want to be part of a viral phenomenon. I’ve already made a donation to the American Brain Tumor Association this month, in honor of my cousin who just passed away from brain cancer.

I’m asking this question because the mother of one of my daughter’s friends just nominated my ten year old daughter. How do we respectfully decline?

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cookieman's avatar

Thank you for posting this question. I feel exactly the same way.

I simply said, “While ALS is a very worthy cause, I choose to donate time and/or money to other worthy causes closer to my heart. Independent of that, I have no interest in dumping a bucket of ice water over my head.”

gailcalled's avatar

“Thank you but I have to respectfully decline.” Short and simple.

gailcalled's avatar

See how Patrick Stewart responds.

kevbo's avatar

I accepted and did it just today, because my B-I-L challenged me and my young niece and nephew were part of the production of his video. So, mainly, I just wanted to not drop the ball for their sense of completeness in the world. I did a silent video with cue cards and directed my challenge to Santa. So it ended with me, and I didn’t mind cooling off anyway.

fluthernutter's avatar

Do a video of your daughter getting a drawing of ice dumped on her. Then challenge a cartoon character. Only share video with her friend. Ask them not to put online.

No actual ice.
Still kind of funny.
You won’t be perpetuating it.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Since it was your daughter who was nominated, it seems like the right time to open up a discussion with her about it. There are several lessons to be learned from this ‘challenge’.
* What ALS is.
* How contributing to a charity, be it through volunteer work and/or funding, can benefit a group.
* That succumbing to peer pressure isn’t the best method and how to bow out gracefully.
* Having her think about how and what she would like to contribute to in order to make Earth a better world.

If she wants to participate in the Ice Bucket Challenge, then please let her do so on one condition; she donates what she is willing to give in a monetary amount. Then follow up with her on how her efforts are positively impacting the fight for this disease.

canidmajor's avatar

Can you mention to the nominator (without causing all sorts of issues) that you wish she would have cleared this with you, first? (Not the Q, I know, just as a preventative measure against future problems like this)

Having fairly recently lost someone to an ugly ALS death, I am all for raising awareness and money for research, but I am ALWAYS against coercion, which really describes the surprise nominations of people.

I agree with @gailcalled‘s recommendation.

I am sorry for your loss (your cousin) and I’m sure your daughter has learned valuable valuable lessons about charity and research funding from that.

ragingloli's avatar

A simple “fuck off” will do.

dappled_leaves's avatar

First, I wouldn’t decline if she actually wants to do it. You’ve indicated that you don’t want her to do it, but I would let her decide.

Second, if she wants to do it, she doesn’t have to post a video. You could just make it a fun thing for her to experience, then post the news that it’s done.

Finally, if she doesn’t want to do it, then you can decline in any way you feel comfortable. There have been so many different types of responses to this challenge, that whatever you choose will have been done already. I’ve seen variations on the Patrick Stewart (linked above); I have a friend who chose to drink a glass of ice water instead; I have friends who rant against the viral aspect of the ice bucket and simply give money; I have other friends who want nothing to do with the entire cause.

Whatever you do, you will have friends who criticize you for not supporting ALS sufferers, and you will also have friends who applaud your ability to think for yourself. It’s not going to be win/win; just be prepared for that.

lillycoyote's avatar

I usually decline requests pretty much the same way others have mention. I say that I wish I could give to everyone but I have a limited amount of money that I can donate to charities and have several favorites that I choose to support and can’t support any more than that. It’s the truth and it usually works.

Aethelwine's avatar

We have already contributed to two causes this year. The Brain Aneurysm Foundation in honor of my mother and the American Brain Tumor Association in honor of my cousin. My daughter and I both have caring hearts, but my pocketbook can only support so much. Right now I’m struggling to find a way to pay for braces that my daughter will need soon. Anyone want to donate to this fund?

I appreciate the good that has come from this challenge, but I don’t agree with the tactics. I do feel like it is coercion, and this is something I’m not comfortable with. I don’t like how it’s making me feel bad for not playing along and donating. It’s peer pressure and I don’t like it. I struggled with peer pressure all throughout childhood and I don’t want the same for my daughter.

I also have issues with these viral challenges. This may be a good challenge, but there are many others that are harmful. I don’t want my daughter to feel pressured to do these things. I found out that she did the cinnamon challenge when she recently stayed with her older cousin. I was not happy about this.

For those of you who suggest I let my daughter decide, would you let your child do something you were opposed to? Remember, she’s only ten. Didn’t our parents teach us that we shouldn’t jump off the bridge just because everyone else is? Isn’t this a great lesson in peer pressure?

Thanks to all for answering.

KNOWITALL's avatar

I Told one lady that unless she donated money herself I felt no compunction to comply. Patrick Stewarts right.

jca's avatar

@jonsblond: You make good points. I have been hoping nobody calls me out to do the IBC because I don’t envision myself doing it, nor do I want to donate 100 dollars to ALS. Not that I don’t think ALS is worthy as a charity, but if I am going to donate to a charity, there are others that are closer to my heart (like cancer or animal rescue organizations).

jca (36054points)“Great Answer” (2points)
osoraro's avatar

I’ve been ignoring it.

ucme's avatar

I didn’t, my daughter was nominated by one of her friends & the little bugger nominated me.
We all did it this afternoon after I nominated the wife, good laugh & good cause.

GWhizYMe's avatar

I want to thank everybody here for their thoughts, you have been REALLY helpful.

When I was given the challenge, I borrowed thoughts from a lot of you. Here’s how I ultimately responded:

“Here is my response to the recent ALS Ice Bucket Challenge that I was nominated for (and any future challenges that might be presented to me).
While I believe in the worthiness of the cause, I do not subscribe to the coercive tactics that are being used.
If this is something that others elect to do, then I wish them well.
I choose other worthy causes to donate my time and money to and I believe that this is a private matter.
I therefore must, respectfully, decline.
Thank you.”

So far I have received quite a bit of support for this. Thanks again everyone.

jca's avatar

@GWhizYMe: By the way, Welcome to Fluther. We’re a great little site that’s kind of like a community. You can ask anything, bounce ideas off each other, answer anything, participate in debates, whatever. Please stick around!

jca (36054points)“Great Answer” (1points)
Aethelwine's avatar

Welcome @GWhizYMe, and thank you for your response. I’m glad you found us here.

My daughter was just nominated, again. I’m about ready to take a break from social media. What’s going to be next? What will everyone nominate us for next month? ugh

Aethelwine's avatar

This is what I posted to fb:

Our daughter was nominated for the ice bucket challenge. Our family has made a donation to the American Brain Tumor Association this month, in honor of my cousin who just passed away from brain cancer. We also made a donation to The Brain Aneurysm Foundation back in February, in honor of my mother. We ask that everyone take a moment to research a cause that is important to you and your family and donate what you can afford.

We answered our daughter’s questions about ALS and she knows about our dear friend Gary (whatthefluther). Fluther blog interview part 1 and Fluther interview part 2

Gary was a fan of my husband’s internet podcast and helped support Jon’s dream of doing something he loved. Jon included a link to the ALS Association on his website in return for Gary’s generosity.

I also had a discussion with my daughter about peer pressure and not following the crowd. She is pleased with all of the likes my post has received.

dappled_leaves's avatar

It sounds like you handled that in the best possible way, @jonsblond. I appreciate how much thought you put into your responses to everyone.

Aethelwine's avatar

Thank you @dappled_leaves.

Maybe it was a slip of the finger while typing, but I doubt it. Another objection I have to this challenge is that I have a feeling that many people who are posting their videos to social media have no idea what ALS is. Look at this video that was just shared by the mother of one of my daughter’s friends. The most epic asl!!

ASL (American Sign Language)

dappled_leaves's avatar

Well… I’m sure that was sign language for… something. Yikes.

gondwanalon's avatar

Lie and say you have a heart condition and your cardiologist advised against it.

AshlynM's avatar

If you’re ever nominated to do a challenge or donate money, just ignore it. Don’t acknowledge it in any way. I love how people say oh you have twenty four hours to respnd to the challenge. Or else what? Is the firing squad going to come after you? While I think donating money to charity is a good thing, I would prefer to do it on my own time and to something I believe in. No one should have to be pressured into doing anything. I have seen people do the dirt bucket challenge, too.
This whole ice bucket thing is a waste of water. What do they do with the extra water? It would be nice if it was caught in other buckets to be used later for something else, like watering plants. I for one do not feel like getting drenched in ice water.

Cupcake's avatar

@jonsblond Your response sounds great, although I hope you didn’t feel the need to defend yourself.

My 2 year old was nominated and we just ignored it. I have told the people closest to me how I feel about the challenge, but I don’t wish to engage in any debate online. With a 10 year old, of course, it’s not so easy to just ignore. Good for you for using it as a learning opportunity.

Aethelwine's avatar

@Cupcake I did feel like I needed to defend my choice. I wish I didn’t feel this way, but we live in a very small community. I knew once school started this week that she would be asked if she participated, and she would need to explain why she wasn’t doing the challenge.

Today was her second day of the new school year and one of the girls who nominated her asked if she was going to do the challenge. Our daughter told her she did something else. The girl then told her that she had to do it. (yes, had to) Our daughter told her she didn’t have to do the challenge. I’m so proud of her.

She’s never been a follower and I don’t want that to change.

canidmajor's avatar

Good for your girl! If her peers think she has to do it, maybe their teacher would consider a quick classroom discussion of peer pressure as coercion, no matter what the issue.

Aethelwine's avatar

I’m so thankful for the support I’ve received here on this thread. Thank you. I’ve read many articles for and against this challenge and I have read the user comments after each article. Anyone who has an issue with this challenge is being accused of being a Debbie Downer, they are no fun, a poor sport, blah blah blah. We are told our reasons are ridiculous. I worry this is what the small town moms and kids are thinking of us. I shouldn’t have to worry about this. I refuse to let social media dictate my life.

canidmajor's avatar

I have been reprimanded for not wanting what others want me to want. Social media just expands this kind of thing exponentially. I get a bit tired of being slammed for not getting every dog from a shelter, but nowhere in that rant will those people vilify those that abandon animals. Or children. Or whatever.
You do good work, and because you choose a different cause to donate to, rather than the “cool” one of the moment, should not cause you to be a target of idiots.
Unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to be how it works.

Maybe next time ask them why they haven’t donated to either the American Brain Tumor Association or the Brain Aneurysm Foundation?

Aethelwine's avatar

Maybe next time ask them why they haven’t donated to either the American Brain Tumor Association or the Brain Aneurysm Foundation?

I made that point when someone told me that one of my reasons for not liking this challenge is ridiculous. I mentioned that I should have dumped ice over my head when I shared my cousin’s daughter’s link to the American Brain Tumor Association. Where were my friends then? They just scrolled on down their feed.

kevbo's avatar

You all will probably appreciate this one.

Carly's avatar

I used logic:

I told my friends that it was a waste of water, especially when the southwest is in a drought and even worse, there are people in other countries with little or no fresh drinking water.

I’m also poor, so I have no money to donate..

jackeydong's avatar

According to the rules of the game -> donation

canidmajor's avatar

Ah, but @jackeydong , thee’s the rub. No one should be requred to abide by the rules of a game they do not choose to play.
Please read the details above and the rest of the thread so you’ll understand the dilemma.

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