Is your soon-to-be-ex on the line for your lawyer fees? Maybe your lawyer thought you were on the same page, sticking it to them?
As to lawyer fees, I made an appointment with a lawyer regarding my father’s estate. I waited 15–20 minutes past the appointed time, whereupon I was summoned to be told that there was nothing productive he could do for me – it was on the up-and-up and all he could do was cause trouble if I wanted to pay him to do so. I told him that was all I wanted to know an left. A couple weeks later, I received a bill for $60. Two minutes at $30 a minute. I laughed, threw it in the trash, and never heard another word from him.
I would probably respond to your lawyer in a way that let’s them know, ‘Hey, I’ve basically entrusted my life to you, and don’t ‘get’ how you could be defensive about me asking you questions? Can I be active and engaged in the case, or not?’
You have more right to be aggrieved than your lawyer, as you’re paying the bills.