My mother-in-law took to her parents death very badly, I think, and although it has been some eight years since they departed, still centers her life around their graves. I saw a question regards grave visits and have been meaning to ask this for a while. I could do with some insight as this is having a very negative effect on the family as a whole.

She visits both her mother and fathers grave on:

Their birthdays
anniversaries (for example their wedding anniversary)
Christmas day

and I think a few times a week to change flowers and tidy up. I know for example there is a vase rolling around in the boot of the car ready for new flowers.

The problem is, that on these special occasion visits, her mood alters drastically. She will hunt for days for certain flowers, and they have to be a certain way.

The negative vibe infiltrates the entire home for days, before the visit. Every one gets miserable.

The worse part is that the whole family has to be there at a certain time to leave for the graveyard. The most recent anniversary was on a Saturday morning, so my SO had to leave our warm bed earlier than usual to get there. My SO is not really told a time as such, he is just told to get up early and wait until she is ready to leave. So, he seemed to have gotten up too late this time as she left in a huff with his father. He landed up running up the road to try and get to the graveyard before them, so as to avoid admonishment. Personally whether he visits the grave or not on their wedding anniversary should be his decision? How on earth can he put this across to her?

She refuses to get grief counselling so all of these visits are making the family resentful and they are too terrified to just say ‘no’ they’d rather not go. Any insights and any advice? I have another question regards memorial type issues, which I will post up later.