Do you think my health problems are primarily physical or mental?
First of all, hi everyone! It’s been quite a while since I’ve been swimming with my fellow jellies, but y’all are awesome, and I’m glad to be back.
Second of all, I know that mental and physical functions aren’t really separate, and they can easily influence each other. Yet I still feel like I’m in a “chicken and egg” sort of situation. I’ve been having weird and apparently inexplicable health problems for years, but can’t seem to find any answers, let alone effective treatment, because I can’t figure out what the root of the issue is.
So, let me give you a little background, if you’ll forgive the exposition. I’ll try to be brief. Ish.
For at least five years now, going on six, I’ve had a series of strange symptoms that don’t seem to have any clearly discernible cause. Specifically, these include abdominal pains and general discomfort, as well as itching and pain inside my urethra. I’ve also been having general GI problems, mostly manifesting as chronic diarrhea alternating occasionally with constipation, as well as an often upset stomach and an irregular appetite. In the last five years I’ve lost about fifteen pounds, although my weight fluctuates.
My sleep schedule is also quite skewed. I’ll generally stay up well past midnight, and get up well past noon. I’ve had trouble falling asleep for as long as I can remember, and even more trouble getting up in the mornings. It usually takes me at least an hour to get out of bed once I wake up, as I’ll often just go back to sleep again. Moreover, even once I’m up, I find I lack energy, and sometimes it seems a chore just to leave the house or make myself dinner.
I’ve seen several doctors, at least half a dozen. I’ve been given a few tentative diagnosis, from “Interstitial Cystitis” to “Irritable Bowel Syndrome”. But basically, not a single one has been able to explain what’s going on with me. The labels I’ve been given seem to me to more or less be labels for symptoms they can’t explain. Anyway, I have positively ruled out any STD, as well as a variety of other physical conditions.
Through my personal research, I have come to believe that there are two likely possibilities. One is that this is somehow related to diet. I generally try to eat healthy foods and to stay away from nasty chemical additives and such, but there still may be something I’m eating that’s causing a concealed reaction.
The other possibility is that my physical symptoms may be mental in origin. I don’t want to go into to much detail at the moment, but I think I may be suffering from depression. I’m not miserable most of the time, but for quite some time have felt an… absence. It’s difficult to describe, because it’s not so much a feeling as an absence of feeling. Not that I don’t have emotions, I get happy and sad, etc, but my main default mode seems to be a sort of neutral numbness. Like there’s a pane of glass between me and the world. I’ve always had a great deal of difficulty connecting and interacting with people, and have always been somewhat socially isolated, but even more so recently. I’m still in contact with my family, we have a good relationship, I live with roommates and we hang out occasionally, and I have various acquaintances, but other than that I don’t have any really close friends any more. Part of this is that I recently moved to a new city, but the feeling of isolation is particularly pronounced whenever I try to go out, especially to a party. I end up just sort of wandering around, watching other people have fun and connect with each other, feeling utterly alone in the middle of a crowd. I also haven’t had a romantic relationship since senior year of high school, about six years ago. I haven’t even hooked up with anyone in at least a year. Not that I have no interest, although my libido is often lacking, I just feel like I can’t connect with anyone, and sometimes that even the pursuit itself is pretty pointless.
All of this, combined with my sleep habits and general fatigue, and the fact that I’m often assaulted by negative, nihilistic, and occasionally horrific, perverted, and/or irrational thoughts, mostly about myself, leads me to believe that I may be depressed. And yet it feels strange even to say it. Because as I said I don’t usually feel “sad” exactly, and I feel I may just be pathologizing my laziness and social awkwardness.
Moreover, what I can’t figure out is whether (if this is in fact depression) it’s the cause of the other issues, or a symptom. Living in relatively mild but chronic discomfort and pain has a way of bumming you out. But I also know that mental problems such as depression can manifest as physical pains.
So. Sorry, that wasn’t really brief at all. But basically, I’m just asking where I should begin. I’ve tried to change my diet in various ways, and nothing seems to be doing much. I’ve taken some drugs to help with the symptoms, but that’s all they seem to do. So far, trying to tackle it from the physical side hasn’t done much. But there still may be a physical cause, and moreover, the idea of speaking to a psychiatrist still seriously stresses me out. Perhaps it’s the worry that I’ll be swallowed up by the mental “health” system and be labelled as mentally ill. The fear of ending up in a padded cell somewhere is probably entirely irrational and baseless, but it still scares me. So here I am, under the cloak of (partial) anonymity, asking for your opinion instead.
So what do you think, Jellies? Be my WebMD?
Topics:
health,
sleep,
psychology,
psychiatry,
medicine,
pain,
medical advice,
mental health,
depression,
healing,
problems,
poop
Composing members: 0
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