@Dutchess_III “I mean, you tell her, ‘No, don’t touch that,’ and she tries to quickly lunge for whatever, hoping to beat you to it, that’s defiance.”
I’ve told lots of kids at that age not do do something, and have never had any of them react like you’re describing. I’m confused. Are you considering this to be normal, has it happened with most of the kids you dealt with?
Are you trying to stop Zoey from sitting on Dakota before she attempts to? Five times in a day seems like a hell of a lot for a dog who’s in pain. Zoey is not with you every day, though, right?
If I recall correctly, even infants experience empathy. They are more likely to cry when hearing a recording of another child crying, for example. We are genetically programmed to connect with people close to us.
I’m convinced surroundings factor in strongly here, though. Highly empathetic parents always seem to have very caring children, in my experience. That’s why I am extremely skeptical of your method, even if it works in the short term. What you have really taught Zoey is that you are willing and able to “attack” her: Like it or not… If it’s made an impact, it’s been an attack to her.
That’s teaching the opposite of empathy, don’t you think?